and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
