I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just googled if crying burns calories
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize