Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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