I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
