I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
