I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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