please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
