True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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