Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
