he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
