Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
