its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
