The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
