Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Everything about him screamed your future.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
