I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
