i'm signing you up for texting rehab
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
