DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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