just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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