i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
