im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
