Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
