She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
