i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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