Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Holy sore nipples Batman
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
