It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
