so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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