I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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