How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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