If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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