did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
