I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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