i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
