is your mom at the bar?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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