hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
birth control should be required to get into college
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
