SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
