You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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