Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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