At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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