don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
