Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I CAN MOONWALK!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
