Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
