I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
