Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
