Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
