You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
