maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize