Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
