Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
