Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
