your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
