the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
