literally had 100 drinks last night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
