Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
