ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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