I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
