u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
