Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
