I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
