Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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