even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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