hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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