What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
