Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
