Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
